There
can hardly be a footballer in the country who has put his name to at
least two autobiographies, even if they had very little to do with
actually writing them.
We believe every footballer has at least
one fiction book in them, though. To celebrate World Book Day, here are
five who set their sights higher…
1. Steve Bruce
(Peter Byrne/PA)As well as being a football manager, legal expert and wedding crasher,
former Manchester United defender Steve Bruce is also an accomplished
writer. By which we mean he has accomplished the feat of writing. He’s
written three murder mysteries called Striker!, Sweper! and Defender! –
featuring a mysterious detective called Steve Barnes. Who could he
possibly be based on? Even the book’s own publisher says the book is
written in “simple language“, so don’t expect Shakespeare. Sample Amazon review:
“This is a vexing book. On the one hand it is one of the most poorly
writen books I have ever read, yet it is hugely satisfying.”
2. Terry Venables
(John Stillwell/PA)Perhaps
there’s something in the make-up of football managers that makes them
yearn to be crime writers – Terry Venables also had a go. He co-wrote a
serious of books about the detective James Hazell with novelist Gordon
Williams back in the 1970s. They were even turned into a TV show. How
much Venables had to do with the writing of the books is unclear. They
appeared under the joint pseudonym of PB Yuill – as in yuill not believe
who wrote these books. They’re fondly remembered by their fans, though. Sample Amazon review:
“Sadly there are only three novels – but in my opinion they form a
wonderful and highly enjoyable trilogy. If you like your thrillers fast
paced with wise cracking one liners then these are for you.”
3. Frank Lampard
(Jonathan Brady/PA)The
Frankie’s Magic Football series has been a runaway success for
celebrity Tory Lampard since the first book was published two years ago.
They’re about a kid called Frankie who has a football. Can you guess
what type of football? It’s a magic football! The good news for fans is
he should have plenty of time to write more while sitting on the
Manchester City bench. We particularly look forward to the book where
Frankie is supposed to move to America but never actually turns up. Sample Amazon review: “This was the best book ever hope you make like 10000 more books thanks for making this series super goal.”
4. Theo Walcott
(Richie Soans/Demotix)If
you thought Lampard had a monopoly on children’s fiction about football
written by professional footballers, you’re wrong. His former England
team-mate Theo Walcott got there first. He wrote four books, starting
with T.J. and the Hat-Trick in 2010. TJ is a striker who looks like Theo
Walcott, who desperately wants to be a striker. We’re all in favour of
living out your dreams through fiction. He later went down the more
traditional footballer route with his autobiography Theo: Growing Up
Fast – published when he was 22. Sample Amazon review:
“This book is amazing. I love tj as I am a striker like him. There was
nothing I disliked about this book. Also get well soon theo I saw your
injury as I was watching the game.”
5. Jo Nesbo
(Trond H. Trosdahl/STT-Lehtikuva)Is
this a cheat? This feels like a cheat. But the popular crime writer
used to play top-level football in Norway, for Molde. He was a striker
but tore his cruciate ligament and subsequently turned to writing. Most
footballers probably would have just played Xbox and gone fishing.
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